Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
