Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
