I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
