my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
