I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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