Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
