Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
