You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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