dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
