Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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