I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
