Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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