the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
