Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
