she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
