I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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