my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
