No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
