I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
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