Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
