hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so explain again why im purple
no
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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