hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I need help removing her.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
