Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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