goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
