the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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