So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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