mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Still dying that you shit outside
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
