this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
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This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
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Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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