are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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