I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
