I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
