We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
