Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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