My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
