I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
