I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
