wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
