she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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