I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
