Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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