Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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