piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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