I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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