I feel great
I just peed on a car
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
