Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
