Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
