these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize