if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he was CRYING into my vagina
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
