Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
