on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
we're so committed to being not committed
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
