My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
