Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
