They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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