Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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