So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
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she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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