You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
