I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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