So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
