Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
