I feel great
I just peed on a car
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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