I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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