you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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