sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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