You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
