I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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