...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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