his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
