We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
