girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
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Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
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All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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