some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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