you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
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Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
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Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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